You know how people do that thing where they rub two of their fingers together and say something to the effect of, "Do you see this? This is the world's tiniest violin playing just for you."? The bitch of it all is that people do this to make you feel worse about something you already feel bad about. And the extra kick in the nuts is that it's usually a good friend that does this. It's meant to make you stop complaining and stop feeling sorry for yourself, but it usually just makes you want to rip your friends' ears off so he won't be able to hear you whine anymore. Nothing has caused more men to act like frustrated babies more than sports over the last few decades. Nothing. Even though sports shouldn't be that important, they just are. Nobody is going to feel sorry for you if you're suffering from a sports heartbreak except the other fans of your team and nothing pisses you off more than when you want consolation, but instead your friends start telling you stuff like, "Sorry, but I have a bad case of the 'rub it ins' and it could last up to 24 hours."
The pain and agony of being a sports fan always seems to outweigh the elation and satisfaction that is offered by the hobby. I was lucky enough to witness one of my teams win a championship when the Diamondbacks took the world series from the Yankees in 2001. I was never happier as a sports fan. All the stress of life had melted away and for a moment I was nothing but happy. I was suspended in a state of euphoria that could never have lasted too long. That was the one moment when I, as a sports fan, was king. Now if you would, please join me as we travel to the other side of the coin.
Things that really hurt and happen way too often:
- Your team chokes away a meaningful game in the waning moments.
- Your team chokes away a meaningless game in the waning moments. It still hurts.
- Your team is poised to make a deep playoff run only to have a key player injured and the team never recovers.
- Your NFL team builds up your hope for the upcoming season and then inexplicably goes straight into the dumpster by starting out 0-4. Again.
- You have to watch another teams' fans celebrate after they just stole a game that your team had well in hand.
- Your team cuts or trades away good players that you like and your team needs for salary reasons.
- You accidentally break something valuable in your house because your fantasy running back just got stuffed at the goal line on 4 consecutive carries in the final minute on Monday night and you lose by 5.
The heartbreaks are not only much more common, but they also score higher on the 'how much does this affect me?' scale. What's weird is that painful memories are hard to forget and good memories are difficult to recall. Talk about a 'raw deal'(another classic Schwarzenegger movie by the way). We seem to enjoy the pain though. In this masochistic society, we like to test our tolerance and we like to feel sorry for ourselves. We must if we like sports as much as we do. If you're looking for a cessation of sports frustration then just stop following your teams. Of course you won't stop and neither will I. Because we love sports and the be honest we'd miss the pain. So the next time you're dejected, demoralized and utterly depressed because your team just blew the big game, I want you remember one thing. The world's tiniest violin is playing just for you.
