In my last post I discussed what I love about sports. But as much as I enjoy sports, and consider myself a fan, there are several aspects of the sporting world that I loathe. I had originally planned this as a single post, but as soon as a I began writing, I realized I needed to break it up into parts. Here's part one.
I understand professional sports is big business. I understand that televised sporting events have been driven by commercials since the dawn of the medium. I accept these things. But the commercialization of sports is now completely out of control.
In the interest of full disclosure, let me state this up front: I despise ads. More than that, I consider ads to be a real societal evil. The constitution says there is no official American religion, but it is wrong. Consumerism is the American religion. And ads are that religion's propaganda. From the moment Americans are born, we are trained to be one thing above all--consumers. We are told that we must have lots and lots of possessions if we are ever to have a chance at happiness (like all those happy people in ads), and built-in obsolescence makes certain that we can never stop buying more, bigger, faster. It's the only way to sustain the economy of a country that concentrates its wealth at the very top and produces mostly junk and bombs.
With that said, it should come as no surprise that I do my best to avoid ads. Print ads are not really intrusive (unless you are reading the like of Cosmo or Vogue), so I'm okay with most magazines and web sites. "Hard copy" newspapers have been obsolete for a decade. And between Tivo and podcasting, I've managed to mostly eliminate the intrusive ads from my life. I even show up to movie theaters late, just to avoid the "pre-show entertainment"--an abomination that deserves its own column.
But the one time when I can't escape the long arm of the ad agencies is when I'm watching sports. Yes, I could Tivo sporting events, but it's deeply unsatisfying on a psychological level to watch something when I know the results are readily available on the internet. There's a reason no one in the US watches the Olympics when they take place on the other side of the globe. Also, in that situation, I have to avoid talking to anyone about sports so as to not ruin any surprises. I better remember to turn off my cell phone or one of my buddies is sure to call and rave about the amazing finish I've yet to see. And, of course, one of the best parts of watching sports is the group experience of collectively reacting to the action with delight, despair, disdain, and most importantly, comedy. Try throwing a Super Bowl party on the day after the game. See how that works out. The bottom line is that watching non-live sports sucks. But that's not even the issue, because while the commercials which interrupt the action are an annoyance, they are something I have come to accept as mentioned above. What I really hate is everything else. For instance:
Naming Rights
If you were born after 1987, you may not realize this, but stadiums were not always named after multinational corporations. They used to be named after aspects of the city in question (Three Rivers, Mile High), or you know, actual things related to sports. There are still a few relics of that bygone age such as Lambeau Field (named for Green Bay Packers founder E.L. Lambeau), and the wonderfully minimalist Giants Stadium. But mostly now we get to watch our teams play in places like Network Associates Coliseum, and my hometown groaner, University of Phoenix Stadium (in Glendale).
Since the taxpayers are usually footing a huge part of the bill on these structures which cost hundreds of millions of dollars and ultimately put more money into the pockets of the super wealthy, maybe we could at least name the damn thing. Or, if the owners sell the naming rights, maybe we should get a rebate. No? No takers? Oh, that's right, I forgot about all the money these new stadiums pump into the local economy for taxpayer benefit. I don't know how I overlooked all the low-paying service industry jobs the stadiums create. The bevy of new opportunities for waitresses, hotel clerks, bellhops, taxi drivers, ushers, and concessions vendors are surely more than fair compensation.
But it gets worse. Not only to we have to put up with these ridiculous names pimping global financial institutions, but they keep changing the names! Just when you get used to the stupid corporate moniker, the contract is up, and there is another pile of money to be made. My hometown baseball stadium is a case in point. When the Arizona Diamondbacks stadium first opened, they sold the rights to Bank One, and it became Bank One Ballpark. The name sucked, but at least you could use the acronym BOB, and after a while we managed to convince ourselves that "The BOB" was kind of cool. So what happens? Chase Manhattan buys out Bank One, and now we are stuck with Chase Field. The CF? Ugh.
Signage
Is it just me or has the amount of signage at sporting events increased exponentially over the last 20 years? I know signage has been a part of sports for a long time, but it seems that there is now an unwritten rule stating that every available surface must be plastered with ugly ads. And, of course, the advertisers are trying to draw our attention so they use the most garish possible colors, creating a panoply of eyesores. The Arena Football League has stooped to actually placing ads (for the US Army) on the players' uniforms. And yes, I realize NASCAR pioneered that concept years ago--another reason to hate NASCAR. What's next? Ads on the urinal cakes in the bathroom? No, someone already thought of that: http://www.peepeeface.com/
Television Commercials At The Stadiums
Speaking of Arena Football, I recently attended a local Rattlers game that was televised on ESPN. When they stopped for TV timeouts, they actually had the gall to play some commercials on the jumbotron! So I pay money for a seat at the arena and not only do I get to deal with the hassle of extra timeouts so the league can generate ad revenue, but I also get to suffer the indignity of being subjected to TV commercials! I can't even escape them with a bathroom break or a trip to concessions thanks to ubiquitous monitors and a deafening sound system. This makes me want to commit a homicide. So help me god if this unholy practice spreads.
Sponsors Galore
Apparently, we are no longer allowed to have anything remotely connected to sports that doesn't have a sponsor attached to it. The first thing I noticed getting out of control was the college football bowl games. They used to have names like the Citrus Bowl and the Peach Bowl, but those have given way to corporate monstrosities called the Capital One Bowl and The Chic-Fil-A Bowl. The bowls with a more prestigious history have at least kept their traditional names, but they have tacked on an incongruous sponsor ala the Tostitos Fiesta Bowl or FedEx OrangeBowl. The venerable Rose Bowl held out as a beacon of hope for a while, but sadly crumbled to corporate sponsorship in 1998. Of course, the current bowl system is essentially contrived to make every last dollar off the labor of the NCAA's unpaid "student-athletes". The NCAA will insist that they are doing a great social service by providing a scholarship to these young men, many of whom are underprivileged and would not otherwise have access to higher education. Of course, they do not appear overly concerned with the education of underprivileged kids that don't have a good 40 time. In any event, bowl games used to be a stage to showcase college football's best teams. But then they realized there was money to be made off mediocre teams too. Of the 31 current bowl games, 18 of them were created in the last 20 years. This has resulted in such classics as the Meineke Car Care Bowl, the Diamond Walnut San Francisco Bowl, and my personal favorite, the galleryfurniture.com Bowl. I can hardly imagine the joy which entered the heart of the player who realized one day he would be able to tell his grandkids that he scored the winning touchdown in the galleryfurniture.com Bowl.
But it wasn't enough for sponsorship to desecrate the bowl games. Now, everything has a sponsor. Pregame. Postgame. Halftime. Players of the game. Analyst notes ( i.e. Toyota's "Keys To The Game"). Replays! For god's sake, the local Suns games on FSN now have a sponsored shot clock!
But even that was not enough. Some marketing genius (i.e. asshole) had this epiphany: why have one sponsor for something when you can have two? I was recently watching a halftime show, and I don't recall the specific sponsors, but it was the equivalent of this: "Welcome to the Nextel halftime show, brought to you by General Motors". This is a frightening slippery slope. At this rate, by 2010 we will be treated to the Carquest and Wendy's halftime highlights brought to you by Boeing with a special thank you to Hershey's, where Curt Menefee will cheerfully recap a situation in which, "Facing 4th & long on the Tough-Actin' Tinactin down indicator, with 1:23 left on the Microsoft game clock, the Ravens trail the Colts by a score of 23--brought to you by Budweiser--to 30--the official score of Levitra." I think I'm going to throw up.
The owners in professional sports have a lot of ways to make money--from tickets sales to merchandise to concessions to television revenue. But I hate that they are now attempting to squeeze every conceivable drop of green out of their product with zero regard for the fan experience. It's the true spirit of capitalism: maximize profits above all else.
Every team trumpets the claim that they have "the best fans in the world". No wonder they think so. We keep enabling them to fill their coffers with gold while they continue to shower us with gold of a different sort.
