I came tearing out of the gates like a lion ready to bite a gladiator's head off. LDT...mine! Manning...mine! Brady...mine! and then I realized I didn't have enough money left to fill out a roster. That's the dream I had the night before the auction. I was just glad I slept at all. The anticipation was almost too much to take. When I woke up the morning of August 25th I knew it was that special day I'd been waiting for. Energy surged through my body and I felt like I just got a B12 shot. I was well aware that a beautiful girl named auction-draft was coming around the mountain when she came and let me tell you something...she was glorious in all of her wonderfully refreshing splendor just like tall can of Arizona raspberry iced tea on a hot summer day.
My research, done. My strategy, laid out. My hair, nicely gelled. My balls, solid brass. I'll be a son of gun if I wasn't the most ready pink skin you ever laid your sweet little eyes on. It was time execute. It was time...
The auction swept in like a tornado and passed almost instantly. It...was...over.
I'm not gonna lie to you. Mistakes were made. I'm thoroughly disappointed in myself. I had plans. I had big plans. I knew who I wanted and I had every intention of getting good values across the board. I was saving my money to make a run at Brian Westbrook and I got caught bidding up Willis McGahee. I got good value on McGahee, but it took me out of the running for Westbrook who also went way too cheap. I saved myself later by making a few savvy trades mid-auction to move some money around, but in the end I was left unsatisfied like a customer who just finished an overpriced, under tasty meal from the 5 & Diner. If, by chance, anyone had x-ray vision and happened to be staring at my crotch immediately after the auction they would have seen an inordinate amount of sweat hanging from my scrotum. Yeah, it was that intense.
They say that those who can't teach do and those who can't do teach. Well I did it and now maybe I should look into a career teaching others how to do it. Apparently during an auction the only thing I know how to do is take a doo doo in my pants. I honestly believe I had that, "Oh crap, I just shit myself!" look on my face afterwards.
Don't get me wrong, I actually think my team is possibly the best and definitely top three out of ten. But I left full of regrets and torturing myself by dreaming about what could have been. For only a few precious hours earlier Manning, LDT and Brady were all mine.
Let's not kid ourselves, who else do you really need?
